Call Me Maybe | Dear Baby Maybe #3

Dear Baby Maybe,

You might be wondering how I came to the name Maybe. And honestly, a lot of the pop culture references I can make to explain it don’t even exist for you yet, so I’ll do my best to catch you up to speed here.

When you’re in High School, there’ll be this Kelly Clarkson song. … I know, just hear me out. It’s called “Maybe.” She wrote it about wanting to get back together with an ex-boyfriend, but that’s not important. Or at least not to us. That’s not what I like about it. The bridge will go like this:

“I don’t want to be tough,
And I don’t want to be proud,
I don’t need to be fixed and I certainly don’t need to be found.
I’m not lost.
I need to be loved,
I just need to be loved.
I just want to be loved by you and I won’t stop ’cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe”
- Maybe, Kelly Clarkson

All my life things have been up in the air. Nothing is ever definite with us. I never felt like I fit in with our family, I jumped around to a bunch of different schools, I couldn’t ever keep a steady group of friends, or a single friend for that matter. We never had a solid ground, no definite answer, nothing safe and sound to lean on. It really sucks growing up like that, feeling lost in your own skin, but it will make you who I am today. It will help you to understand things that people around you don’t quite get. That this world we’ve been thrown into was only built for a certain type. Not everyone fits into that type, though, and we’re taught that differences are bad. So we are different only on our own. And you get a lot of time to think when you’re alone. I like to think that maybe one day things will be different. Maybe one day it’ll be easier. Maybe one day we’ll do better. And so begins our fascination with the term “maybe.” I believe in maybe. Kelly sings “I believe that maybe…” But I like to think my point still stands. And I still believe in Maybe. And now that’s our line.

Our initials are M and B, and something about that always felt good and nice. MB, embee, Emby, Em B, we have fun with these initials. But being called Michael never really worked. Even at 12 years old, you have most people call you Mike, if not by the full “Mike Burke.” (You will come to find that you like your name best when combined with our last name and a period following it. You’ll tell people it’s because you’re very punctual, and they’ll laugh because we’re funny. In reality, that little dot was the only way we could feel ownership over a thing that never felt like us.)

I have a lingering memory, I don’t remember how long ago it was. We considered one day having a daughter, and naming her Mae. If she used our last name, she would be called Mae B. There’s a show on TV that you don’t watch yet that has a character whose name is Mae but she goes by Maeby. It sounds like a good name, and we’ve always been fond of having a name mean something more than just what people call you. Later in life, you’ll realize that you don’t need to have a child in order to choose a cool name.

In college, you’ll play around with a lot of different ways to call yourself. You’ll hold off on actually using Maybe when Carly Rae Jepsen pops out of the woodwork to get everybody singing a song called “Call Me Maybe.” It’ll feel too pop culture to actually start asking people to call you Maybe. She’ll set us back for a few years, during which you’ll consider the easy switch to Michaela, and even try branching out to Nicole or Loren. You’ll also find yourself being called different things by different people. You try Mickey, Piper, Mixi, Glitter, Mae, Mic, Max, etc. Some names that you take on your own, some nicknames that grew organically. You’ll wear some of them as just a nickname, or tell a new name to a one night stand to see how it feels. Eventually, many people will know you to go by Maybe, as that is the name you have given most often. You’ll find that it comes with the fun options of shortening to “Mae” or queering to “Maybz.” Having a shorthand version for certain people to call you by always makes us feel good. You’ll be able to keep our initials, and in fact incorporate them both into our first name. You’ll embrace the grey area, learn to love the undetermined and put your faith in possibility. And soon you will know that Maybe is our definite answer.

Your Future,

Maybz